Why I don’t want to work today
“I have this amazing superpower of messing everything”
My name must be a hail to Satan
because every time it’s called it raises hell. For the last 24 hours I’ve been
plagued by stress. I wake up to go to each class each with its own struggles of
different pains, be it social, unfinished work or complete confusion. I don’t
want to exist for a couple of hours. I will add on to clear this isn’t saying I
don’t want to be alive; I just don’t want to exist. I want to just disappear
for a few hours away from reality, which seems to be impossible for the fact
that I live at school where everyone can find me. I am the tragically existent,
acting as an obstacle in this perpetual reality. It’s hard to even keep your
eyesight above your feet when every one sees yourself as a problem they need to
fix. People don’t laugh at me, they simply glare, a laugh would mean I was at
least liked or humorous but its more of a he’s pathetic type look. They look at
me once and see how I’m obviously doing everything wrong and then never look at
me again like I’m a commercial for starving African children to be dismissed
out of existence. I should at least note the people who try to help me with
advice and extensions although I feel even worse due to the fact that I can’t
do any better. I will never do any better and that I’m just holding them back
on their master plan for the class. The worst part of this is that after my
dreaded day is finished I have to go to film in which I’m also a nuisance and
do no good and then to explain myself to my house master do work that I get all
wrong sleep wake up repeat. I don’t want to work today cause its another shovel
off dirt on my coffin.
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